i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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