It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
