Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
