Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
