Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize