I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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