My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
