maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
