you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
