His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize