He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
