Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
