Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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