matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Found the puke drawer
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
