You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We have started to decorate penises.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
