Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize