Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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