I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
