You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
