i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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