Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The Olympian is in my bed
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
