dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
