Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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