can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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