If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
