Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
