The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
