I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
