Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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