Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
