i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
