i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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