I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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