I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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