Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
