my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
