K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
