haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
