Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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