So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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