During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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