We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
