Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
