My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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