Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize