I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My dick has a subreddit
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
