physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You made out with two different species that night
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
