so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
