dude i'm inner monologue high
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
