Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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