Its about making memories worth repressing
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
