You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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