Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
