I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
