Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
