why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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