It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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