so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
