I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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