just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
