we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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