why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She announced her abortion via fbk
so let's talk penis.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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