I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
