i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
