I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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