i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
